


Small Playlist For Lovers

by MissCeliaKnight



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-01-23 03:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12497840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCeliaKnight/pseuds/MissCeliaKnight
Summary: Conner was used to killing his feelings. Tim, Bart, Clark, Lex... Jon was the newest addition on the list and was just as complicated as Clark.Jon wasn't used to having to deal with such overwhelming feelings and they all revolved around Conner... and it was complicated.





	1. Airplane Mode

**Author's Note:**

  * For [makethedevilcry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makethedevilcry/gifts).



> This Kon is 90's Kon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Airplane Mode by Limbo

Conner woke up and felt as if he’d blinked and woke up in his bedroom after having been somewhere unfamiliar. His dream had felt so surreal that he was confused by the transition from the dreamworld to waking. He sat up as the sun blinded him through his curtains, his loft in one of the buildings Lex owned.

He liked his place here- it felt more like home than his room in the Young Justice hideout or in the Titan Tower, but it also somehow felt emptier even though the place was littered with his things.

He threw the covers off of himself, stepping over some clothes as he made his way to his bathroom- his phone vibrated. He ignored it and went to the bathroom. He came back with a sigh, still trying to drag himself back into reality, his phone buzzed again. He picked up his laundry off of the floor, sniffing a shirt and tossing it in the laundry.

It buzzed again.

He snatched up his phone and cleared all of the messages, putting it into airplane mode so he wouldn’t be bothered. It was just the group chat anyway and he’d seen a slew of messages being from Bart while one was from Jaime and who knows who else. Didn’t matter, he wasn’t interested.

He needed a day to himself right now after that dream… He ran a hand down his face. Maybe he should go for a fly… He snatched up his leather jacket, changed into his suit and snagged his ipod, leaving his phone behind.

He flew high up enough to where people couldn’t see him, not wanting to throw on a flashy smile or something of the like. During the flight, he had the idea that he could always grab his piercing gun and shove another hole in his ear in a bout of irony. After all, he had one for the other four he’d fallen for that didn’t work out- why not the new one that he was dreaming about?

Why not one for Jon? Because then he’d be admitting he was practically falling and this wasn’t something he should even be acknowledging. Clark’s was hard enough as it was, but his kid? Seriously, his _kid_? He felt guilty.

He’d technically grown up with him, but it was different. Clark was more like a father figure with an awkward distance that seemed to stick between them, while Jon was like a sibling to him, even if he was technically his brother and uncle.

God, he hated this.

The music wasn’t helping, so he ended up going back to his loft, closing off all of the light from the windows. The fly was enough to make him feel awake, but he still didn’t feel invigorated and his head was still hazy from feelings he wished he didn’t have to acknowledge. He could play it off like he usually did- say he was fine. It’s what he’d done with everyone else. It’s what he did with Tim when he asked what he thought of his relationship with Stephanie, it’s what he did when Bart wouldn’t shut up about girls, it’s what he did with Lex, what he settled for with Clark… So why was it so hard to force the feeling onto himself?

He’d spent probably just as much time with Jon as he had Tim, so time wasn’t the issue. Maybe it was the level of intimacy? Tim was through and through a Wayne with how he kept his secrets close to his chest, where as Jon? He knew everything about Jon- probably even some things Clark and Lois didn’t know.

Jon was an open book with him- he told Conner about his dirty little secrets or how he felt comfortable cussing around him or things he’d done or missions he’d went on without permission or the time he got shitface drunk and had Conner come pick him up so he wouldn’t have to go home or the time he’d asked Conner what certain drugs did to half kryptonians… The kid wasn’t all sunshine- he was truly a kid, but at the same time he was nothing but warmth and good times. He was very much like Conner in that aspect, only less… Lex. Less extravagant and petty.

Conner sat himself down on his bed, staring at the wall before he flopped back and stared at his ceiling. He could mindlessly play something like Pitfall on his Atari… It wasn’t like he needed to address what he was feeling- he wasn’t sure if Jon was straight yet or not, but something would surely happen that would be off putting to Conner that would force him to swallow his feelings.

It was always interesting to everyone else that in spite of being a huge flirt, he hadn’t really seriously been with anyone. They didn’t pick up on how everyone he genuinely liked just ended up not working out or was unrealistic. The way his heart worked wasn’t even remotely in alignment with his head.

So of course when his brain shut off for the night, his heart went and made him have a stupid dream about kissing Jon. It had been simple, sweet, gentle- fake. He couldn’t shake the feeling… He couldn’t shake how it made him feel and how he wanted to cry about it, yet wasn’t even remotely on the verge of tears- he just felt tired. Tired this always happened.

The kid was barely 17 and yes, Conner was technically only five years older than him, but he looked nineteen and likely would until the day he died given he hadn’t aged a day since he came out of the tube.

It was even more painful because he felt like he was lying to Jon every time he was with him. He was lying every time he let Jon lay all over him or sleep in the same space as him or touch him or smile at him or let Conner buy him things… He was lying right to his face and it was wrong. But it would be even worse to  go, ‘Hey so I know you’re not even an adult yet but I want to make out with you or something sometime if that’s cool’, because jeezus christ what was wrong with him?

Maybe it was the weird complex he had with Clark? But he could easily distinguish Jon from Clark, yet something about feeling validated by Jon just made his heart soar in a way that surely only Clark himself would have been able to do. Jon would be 18 in a year, and even if he was fair game, it just… It didn’t sit well with him.

It was likely the guilt from being so in love with the kid that he had a dream about him. It was so soft and casual… They were just sitting on the roof of his car, staring at the sky and joking and shit talking one another in a playful manner. Jon had given him this kind of soft smile he couldn’t put into words that made his veins feel like they were pumping honey and he just… melted. He kissed him, and when he opened his eyes he was in his room.

He was just wallowing in self loathing at this point, but if he said anything to anyone, he felt like Clark would magically hear everything and fly over and deck him right into the moon. He’d yell about how Jon was technically his brother, even if Clark had the hardest time acknowledging Conner as family- or maybe that was just wishful thinking on his end.

It wasn’t like he needed this relationship- he just craved it like how he craved being with Tim or validation from Clark or affection from Lex or the casual mood from Bart. Those were the people who he genuinely felt things for, so for all of those little aspects to be neatly wrapped up in the warm existence that was Jon? He didn’t need it, but damn if he wasn’t thinking about it…

He sighed, snatching up his phone and deciding that the best thing to do was likely to just do what he did best- gab. Chit chat. Throw on his public Superboy persona of glitz and glamor and fame- which was partially true. He just also had this nagging and spiraling depression along with self destructive tendencies he didn’t want to address.

_What’cha up to today baby blue? --Conner_

_Message unable to send._

Right… His phone was still in airplane mode… What a suited pair of words for how he felt. After all, he was disconnecting himself and waiting until the feelings would take flight, all while hoping they’d stay on the ground.

_Thinking of you- how’s your morning been? --Jon_

Conner felt his heart sink. He didn’t mean it like that- get over yourself. He didn’t have the right to be childish and act out on his feelings. Besides- children behaved and did what they were told. Even just messaging him made him feel terrible- the group chat was still on fire. He honestly wanted to just leave it, but that was very un-Conner, and he didn’t need anyone knowing something was wrong.

_Went for a fly, bored. --Conner_

_Snapchat meeeeee I miss your face. When are you coming over? Break is forever away, you should come over before then. --Jon_

He wanted to come over- he’d show up right now. He really would… But he didn’t think he could handle that right now and should honestly distance himself from Jon right now- right, distance as he sent him text messages. Make up your mind you giant five year old.

Conner sent Jon a selfie snapchat, tongue out and showing off the piece of jewelry Jon hadn’t seen yet.

_!!! When the hell did you get that?! --Jon_

_SuperBoyy saved a screenshot_ _  
_ _I hate when you screenshot me cursing lmao --Jon_

_Superboyy saved a screenshot_

_That doesn’t count!! --Jon_

_It stands for laughing my ass off, so it totally counts --Conner_

It would have been easy- just a keyboard mash of letters; Go out with me, I love you, date me- simple. Conner stared at his phone while Jon worked on typing his reply.

He shouldn’t do that- he likely already gave off vibes that someone would pick up on if they paid enough attention. If someone took the time to notice, it was obvious. Jon was like a puppy with how eagerly he followed after Conner, tail practically wagging behind him he was so excited every time they were together.

_“Stop being a butt- oh! That movie we wanted to see came out today. When do you wanna see it? It’s saturdaaayy we should go! Mom won’t mind, so tell me you’re not busy?”_

Jon was walking around with his phone as he spoke in his Snapchat, Conner snorting quietly. He was too cute and excitable… He really loved this kid. He paused, finger hovering over the record button.

_“...Yeah I GUESS I can come get your little ass if your homework is done.”_

He sent it, patiently waiting for him to reply. He should have honestly told him he was busy or that they could go some other time. He just wanted to stay in bed and pout… going out like he was would be obvious to Jon- he picked up on Conner’s moods just about as easily as Tim, if not more so.

_“I did it yesterday. Physics is the only thing I didn’t finish and that’s just because my teacher has to email us all a thing he couldn’t get to load in class. He said if he doesn’t send it today then we won’t get docked points for not doing it.”_

_“You’d think in Metropolis the wifi would load better than out in the country.”_ Conner replied, still debating if he could lie his way out of going with Jon. But avoiding him now would be obvious too… Conner checked movie times.

_“I know right? Also what the heck are you doing in the dark you weirdo?”_

_“Checking movie times, having a pity party.”_ Conner replied back in a joking manner, but it was honesty.

 _“Oh no! Did something happen?”_ And Jon was always too clever to realize when Conner wasn’t joking. Conner sent a snap back of him intentionally singing horribly off key to Lesley Gore’s It’s My Party until the time ran out.

 _“You’re such a dork.”_ Jon sent back.

Conner sent him the movie times in a text.

_“We should probably go to the earlier one- oh can we go to the drive through or the tavern one? I like those ones better than the regular theater.”_

Conner went into his bathroom and turned on the shower water. _“Yeah that's fine, we can go there. The Tavern only has the midnight showing though. Gonna shower, talk to you in a bit.”_ He put his phone back into airplane mode, went back into his room and turned on his stereo and put the volume right before blown speakers, but bass high enough to echo violently in his ribs.

Conner was never one to take long showers, but today he was still lingering in his head. He was lagging away in a fantasy he couldn't rub away, be it his temples or cock.

He rinsed the evidence of guilt from his hands, getting out and considering another nap to ward off the exhausted feeling of dealing with eventual heartbreak again. He had a few hours before the movie, so he set an alarm, turned down his music, and passed out again in nothing but his towel.

Conner woke up in the early evening, rubbing sleep from his face with his entire hand before turning off his alarm. He brought his phone back to life as he hunted for something casual to wear in his closet, half of the messages from the group chat he was ignoring, a few emails from this or that but overall ignorable, and about 23 messages from Jon on snapchat. He watched all of them, Jon basically going about his day with camera phone in hand while clearly awaiting Conner’s reply.

 _“Sorry baby blue- I passed out. I’m up now though. Also doesn't Krypto always do that?”_ He asked with a laugh, expression dropping as soon as the video wasn't recording anymore.

He tossed his phone on his bed and got dressed, vaguely wondering if it was inappropriate to snapchat him shirtless, even if it was only his shoulders Jon had seen. He shrugged the thought off as him being overly analytical because of his personal worries that he couldn't shake. He turned off his music, grabbed his keys and jacket and made his way out.

Jon replied with a three part snapchat video ramble about his dog, Conner watching all of them from his car with a soft smile he forced himself to get rid of because of how genuinely fond it was. People would easily mistake it for texting a girlfriend. He turned the car on and put on something he could sing to, wanting to drown out the words in his head with catchy melodies.

Love songs though… He couldn't do those. He smacked skip so hard once he had to pull over because he had made his entire system freak out, forcing him to listen to the entire song before he could fix it.

Was it wrong to say he wanted to cry? It was the guilt of knowing how he felt, yet knowing he'd also never have that. He quietly rubbed at his eyes and blinked away tears before he pulled back onto the road to go get Jon.

 _“I'm outside you dork, bring your butt.”_ He patiently waited out in his car, tapping on the steering wheel while waiting.

 _“One sec, I gotta walk Krypto before I go or mom’ll kick my but.”_ Jon sent back, leash clinking out of view.

Conner quietly waited, singing along with the music playing in his car while he waited, thoughts running rampant in his head. Movies are a good place to go on a date. He should put on music Jon liked after this song. It was late and walking the dog with him would have been nice.

He didn’t need to, it wasn’t like he must do this to get over it, but he wanted to do it anyway in spite of trying to shove the feelings back down into his throat. Shoving the feelings back down forced thoughts up into his head that he’d had all day. Kiss him; touch him in the back of your car; have him ride you- fingers tapping still to the beat, eyelids closing with the image of Jon doing the same with his hips.

 _“Hey!”_ Conner opened his eyes.

 _“Hey, Baby Blue.”_ He greeted with a wide grin. _“Ready to go?”_ Jon clicked his seatbelt in place, nodding eagerly.

 _“Yeah!”_ He let Jon control the music, chatting over it in practically a yell instead of turning it down. Conner paid for the movie tickets, handing his card over to Jon to let him go ahead to grab the snacks while Conner found a place to park his car to watch the movie. He tugged two blankets out of his trunk, putting one on the hood of his car, Jon coming back with his card and an armful of junk.

 _“Ugh, you know me too well.”_ Conner purred as Jon handed over the sugar babies, making Jon light up as if he’d told him he just saved a puppy. Jon climbed up onto the hood of Conner’s car, setting the snacks between them while sitting close enough for Conner to feel his body’s warmth. They snacked on popcorn, Conner and Jon tossing it up in the air to see who could catch more in their mouth. The movie started, Jon turning his attention to the large screen.

Conner was half way though the movie before he realized what the uneasy feeling lingering in his stomach was. It was the haze of a dream again. Close body warmth, sitting on the hood of his car… Conner felt his heart hammer in his chest all the way down to his stomach. He quietly glanced over at Jon and wondered if he should kiss him- then finally, _finally_ after trying all day, he yanked himself back into reality.

If he were to try and do that, he’d get decked or lose him as a friend. Jon would yell and cause a scene while asking what he was doing. _You’re like a brother to me-!_ he could practically hear the way his voice would crack in horror as he said it. Conner focused on the movie… and felt Jon press his head to his arm. He quietly clenched his jaw and told himself to focus. It was fine… It didn’t mean anything…

 

* * *

 

Jon knew he probably should have felt guilty for doing something so… obvious. But he was quietly wondering if it was alright given Conner hadn’t shoved him away. Then again, he could have brushed it off as some kind of brotherly show of affection, but… He wanted to hear him say it again. It was only once, but that was when it hit Jon that he had a crush on Conner.

_“Love you, baby blue.”_

It had happened so naturally and made Jon feel like he was melting… and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

Jon told himself he'd force himself to get over it before he turned 18. After all… Conner didn't seem interested. He felt kind of silly hoping otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr version:  
> http://missceliaknight.tumblr.com/post/173147029091/small-playlist-for-lovers


	2. Falling For U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by Falling For U by Peachy!  
> For makethedevilcry!

Jon wasn’t quite sure when it happened. Love is such a gradual thing, such a natural progression, that one day you just realize it’s there. It was threaded into every smile in a conversation. Woven into all of the blankets draped over him as he fell asleep on Conner. It was wafting through the air like baths colored with Lush bath bombs he didn’t get at home. It rested in every hiccup in his heart when his phone rang with his particular ringtone.

It hadn’t occurred to him that boys could like boys. Not that way. He liked Damian, but he didn’t think about Damian when he had nothing else to do. Damian didn’t fill up subtle, empty spaces of his day.

But it hit him during something so simple as a “ _Thank you!_ ” It wasn’t even for anything big- it was just for getting Conner his jacket from his room before they headed out. It wasn’t this wonderfully perfect moment of romance or after long, oblivious conversations.

It was a misstep on the stairs; it was a glance to the wrong direction when someone tapped you on the shoulder; it was inhaling a drink wrong.

Thank you.

That was it. Those were the words that first prompted the thought, _God I love him_.

And it shocked Jon. The thought was hazed around the edges and made him want to smile. It took him a few days after that to realize how he’d meant it. It was mostly denial. Conner was like family- it was fine to love family.

He talked himself out of it. Then talked himself thought it. Then talked himself into it. Then immediately out of it.

It was hard not to think about it. Everyone would just say don’t think about it, but he couldn’t. All he did was think about Conner and that was the hard part. Don’t think, act he was always told. But acting made him pause.

Acting meant he’d lose Conner.

If he said anything, he might recoil from him. Words were powerful and terrible, so it was all he could do to keep them inside. So they sat in his head and became overgrown. His head swirled with rose colored thoughts of love.

Of all the times they sat on his couch watching bad movies and how it could have ended in kisses. Of how the walks to go shopping for food for Conner’s place could have ended up with hand holding. How snapchats could have ended with them falling asleep on facetime calls like his other friends did with their boyfriends and girlfriends.

Yet even without those things, he found himself romanticising what did happen. They didn’t kiss, but they threw popcorn at one another and kept kicking each other playfully under the covers. They didn’t hold hands, but he ran him down the aisles in a shopping cart and almost crashed so many times it was hysterical. Snapchats could be saved and they had a three month streak going.

So he didn’t say anything- he kept it to himself because he could keep those small, forlorn romances that would never happen to himself. He didn’t want to lose what it was.

He would talk himself down out of his feelings when Conner wasn’t there, he could do that. But the smell of sunshine and leather always had him shove thoughts of not telling him down into his chest, breath catching.

 _God I love him_.

And he was stuck going back and forth with the argument no one knew was happening.

The worst parts of the argument he would have with himself were the ones where Conner didn’t take him seriously. The ones where he doubted him, thought it was a phase or that Jon was just confused. The ones where he joked around like he always did and hurt his feelings.

Those were the worst…

But that didn’t dissuade him. It didn’t help that their conversations had essentially turned into flirting or tip toeing around what was obvious. It didn’t help that they owned so many matching pieces of jewelry. It didn’t help that he was pretty sure Conner was an idiot. He was so dumb, so stupid, so blind- it made him want to suffocate into his pillow.

“ _God he’s so stinkin' dumb… He’s so cute and so_ dumb…” He groaned, pillow clutched to his chest and phone in his hand, held above his face with a selfie he so badly wanted to screenshot on snapchat.

He wanted to just go over and hang out, but he had school. He hated that he had school and he hated that he had to spend so much time with Damian. He didn’t had school or Damian, just the time they took up. He wished he had more empty moments to spend thinking about what Conner’s mouth would feel like on his or the feeling of being pressed up against him every night before going to sleep.

He wanted that and it scared him. He wanted it so badly he was sure it was making him physically ill. It made him shake and turn red and his hands go clammy. He was going to be having an off day while thinking about him and he was going to get punched by some supervillain and get a concussion and then be put in a coma.

He hoped all of his coma dreams were about kissing Conner.

He worked up the nerve to consider hinting more seriously at the fact that he liked him. But then his dad walked in while he was mentally going through a conversation, hand motions for unsaid words.

Clark raised an eyebrow at his son, Jon turning cherry red. His dad. He’d have to tell his dad. There was absolutely no way Clark wouldn’t lose his mind about this. It had taken him forever to warm up to Conner as it was, yet alone if Jon said he…

He shoved the words into the back of his head as if Clark was a mind reader. He shoved the words into the back of his throat and swallowed.

It would be better because he wanted his dad to like Conner. Not only if he said something would it probably ruin whatever relationship he did have with him, but also Conner’s relationship with his dad. He’d be blamed for it somehow, he could see it.

He couldn’t hurt Conner like that.

So he ignored it and went to a drive in movie with him, promising himself he’d get over it before his eighteenth birthday. He promised. He promised, even as he leaned his head against his arm. He promised so hard he realized he wasn’t paying attention to the movie… just Conner.

His heart was beating a mile a minute- or was that his own? He smelled like leather and shower water from his loft. That always had a particular smell to it, like silver and saline solution. He was warm, like a good day in the sun. He wanted to hold his hand.

His chest hurt at the thought that he couldn’t. He pulled away and started to cough once he realized it wasn’t the phantom pain of love- it really hurt. He coughed, the sound of phlegm sitting in his lungs. Conner sat up straight, rubbing his back and asking, “ _You okay_?” Between coughs.

He felt nausea flutter in his stomach like when he saw Conner from a distance. He felt his pulse race like when he was too close to him. He felt his thoughts swirl like when he was left alone in his loft.

Jon leaned over the side of the hood of his car and vomited flower petals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanahaki disease:  
> a disease where the victim regurgitates and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. The illness can only be cured through surgical removal, however any existing romantic feelings are also removed with the infection.
> 
> Tumblr version:  
> http://missceliaknight.tumblr.com/post/174504622781/small-playlist-for-lovers


End file.
